Is it summer that keeps us from posting? I've noticed that none of my frequently read blogs have been updated in the past few weeks. Understandable, I guess. Summer is filled with sporting events and beach trips and weddings and time spent watching the sunset.
My summer involves fresh beans overtaking the deck. Watching the tomatoes ripen. Buying raw milk. Waiting for the blackberries. It's the foodie in me.
Then there's also the part of me that is finally realizing that it's time to face that I have a chronic illness. When I was first diagnosed with endometriosis, I didn't think much of it. Scar tissue in the womb? How bad can that be? I had surgery to remove it. I took shots. And yet I'm still in pain--some of the most desperate pain imaginable, that renders me near helpless for a couple days per month. It exhausts me and makes it difficult to concentrate.
The hardest part is, there's not really a cure. Spell check isn't even sure what to do with the word. People hear about it and just brush it off, because most people think--based on others, or themselves, who have had it--that it's just a slightly worse version of PMS. My doctor did not let me know that the surgery might not work, or give me an idea of what might happen after the shots. It's more or less throwing spaghetti at a wall and hoping that it sticks.
So now that I'm no longer living in denial, I'm trying to find ways to combat this illness. I'm finding natural ways to reduce inflammation. Trying to add more iron to my diet. Strengthening my muscles, but being able to cut out cardio when I'm in pain. And the hardest one...learning how to say no when I'm exhausted. That's the most difficult. I want to follow through on commitments. I want to spend time with my friends. When you don't have a visible malady, or even really the means to explain your chronic condition, it's hard to explain why you need to bail. And try attempting to explain an illness involving your reproductive system to your mostly male circle of friends!
Acceptance is hard. It's definitely a process. But I'm getting there.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
And your feet going nowhere
Another year begins. This one much closer to my thirties than before, a scary number, one that says grown up and houses and families and children and settled and grounded and grown up.
And what have we learned from this, another year in the life of being gracefullypunk? I feel that, most of all, the year of 27 has been one of me learning that roots are not necessarily bad. After all, cut off the roots and the plant is dead, right? There is still a part of me--a large part--that wants to explore, to see the world, to take flight. But I've realized that what I've fought for so long has come back to me. I have found a place I fit. You can't put down roots just anywhere. Living back in the Northwest gives me history, it gives me fresh air, a culture I relate to, and most of all family.
I still struggle, sometimes, with the concept of normality, and groundedness, but I've come to realize that I'll always be putting my individual spin on things. I don't need to keep running away or planning exotic trips or trying to write a novel or aiming for a perfect job because I don't have to prove anything.
So that, my friends, is what my 27th year has taught me. In a nutshell. It wasn't so easy. It hurt a lot. There was heartbreak and leaving and surgeries and unemployment and fear and more heartbreak. But when I look back, I see that this is the year that helped me put down my roots.
What will 28 bring? I don't think I want to know. But I hope it will involve new recipes, a flourishing garden, a deeper relationship, a steady circle of friends, getting to celebrate with my family, plenty of baseball, new beers to taste, and new restaurants to visit.
And what have we learned from this, another year in the life of being gracefullypunk? I feel that, most of all, the year of 27 has been one of me learning that roots are not necessarily bad. After all, cut off the roots and the plant is dead, right? There is still a part of me--a large part--that wants to explore, to see the world, to take flight. But I've realized that what I've fought for so long has come back to me. I have found a place I fit. You can't put down roots just anywhere. Living back in the Northwest gives me history, it gives me fresh air, a culture I relate to, and most of all family.
I still struggle, sometimes, with the concept of normality, and groundedness, but I've come to realize that I'll always be putting my individual spin on things. I don't need to keep running away or planning exotic trips or trying to write a novel or aiming for a perfect job because I don't have to prove anything.
So that, my friends, is what my 27th year has taught me. In a nutshell. It wasn't so easy. It hurt a lot. There was heartbreak and leaving and surgeries and unemployment and fear and more heartbreak. But when I look back, I see that this is the year that helped me put down my roots.
What will 28 bring? I don't think I want to know. But I hope it will involve new recipes, a flourishing garden, a deeper relationship, a steady circle of friends, getting to celebrate with my family, plenty of baseball, new beers to taste, and new restaurants to visit.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Trade-Offs
Trade-offs.
I'm not good at them.
I want what I want, when I want it. I don't like to wait; I don't like to compromise. And I simply do not want to give up one option for another.
Turns out that this sort of mindset can get me into trouble. Boys, for instance. They kinda want you to choose just one of them. But that is easy compared to the dilemma of choosing between, say, french fries or a brownie, or beer or a baguette with butter.
For most of my life, I haven't been choosing. I haven't been a woman that diets (and I still don't want to be). I don't often decide that I'll have a salad for lunch, or that I'll use a low-fat spread, or that put nondairy creamer in my coffee. I'm a proponent of real food--I think our bodies are meant to have the nutrients found in food that comes from nature, not food that has been altered by a machine. The salad thing, well, it's mostly because salads don't satisfy me.
But what I'm meaning here is that, because I focus on food and not on low-fat, low-caloric substitutions, I need to find some other way to cut back. I'm never going to be skinny, but when last year's shorts won't fasten, it's time for a change. So trade-offs. Having a beer with dinner means no dessert. Choosing the amazing chips from Jack's Fish Spot means giving up pizza later in the week.
It's not about being thin. It's not about self-denial. It's about knowing my body, and knowing what makes me feel healthy, and what makes me feel as though I'm dragging. And as much as I love my beer, chocolate and butter, it's about consciously choosing not to have all of them in one day...or if I do, to have them in much smaller quantities.
I'm not good at them.
I want what I want, when I want it. I don't like to wait; I don't like to compromise. And I simply do not want to give up one option for another.
Turns out that this sort of mindset can get me into trouble. Boys, for instance. They kinda want you to choose just one of them. But that is easy compared to the dilemma of choosing between, say, french fries or a brownie, or beer or a baguette with butter.
For most of my life, I haven't been choosing. I haven't been a woman that diets (and I still don't want to be). I don't often decide that I'll have a salad for lunch, or that I'll use a low-fat spread, or that put nondairy creamer in my coffee. I'm a proponent of real food--I think our bodies are meant to have the nutrients found in food that comes from nature, not food that has been altered by a machine. The salad thing, well, it's mostly because salads don't satisfy me.
But what I'm meaning here is that, because I focus on food and not on low-fat, low-caloric substitutions, I need to find some other way to cut back. I'm never going to be skinny, but when last year's shorts won't fasten, it's time for a change. So trade-offs. Having a beer with dinner means no dessert. Choosing the amazing chips from Jack's Fish Spot means giving up pizza later in the week.
It's not about being thin. It's not about self-denial. It's about knowing my body, and knowing what makes me feel healthy, and what makes me feel as though I'm dragging. And as much as I love my beer, chocolate and butter, it's about consciously choosing not to have all of them in one day...or if I do, to have them in much smaller quantities.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Seattle Beer Week
Beer. It's a fairly new thing for me. Sure, I've always liked beer, and thought myself to be a bit of a beer snob, but now it's rapidly becoming a passion, something nearly equal to my obsession with food.
Now, when I say I've been hitting up Seattle Beer Week, I don't mean that I'm heading out to the bars with the sole purpose of getting drunk. While becoming a little tipsy might be a byproduct of tasting 15 beers in three hours, the main goal of SBW is to find new, different, interesting, and/or rare beers to try.
And, if you're like Carrmat and I, freaking out your waitress a bit by taking notes on each beer you taste. GYM is fairly tolerant, sitting and sipping beers while we discuss whether one smells like soap or apples or dirty socks (yes, really).
This photo was taking at Elysian Brewing Company where, according to ratebeer, we tasted and rated 15 rare Elysian brews.
The night before, we'd gone to Brouwer's, where we were joined by Broberto, for a Back in Black Stout Night. Unfortunately, unlike the Elysian, Brouwer's didn't do tastes, so we had to get a pint of each. When the beers you're drinking clock in at 7-10%, we weren't consuming more than two each...so I didn't get to taste as many stouts.
Thursday is Sour Night--my favorite style of beer. I'll be heading back to Brouwer's to sit for a few hours, sampling as many of these unusual beers as possible.
Now, when I say I've been hitting up Seattle Beer Week, I don't mean that I'm heading out to the bars with the sole purpose of getting drunk. While becoming a little tipsy might be a byproduct of tasting 15 beers in three hours, the main goal of SBW is to find new, different, interesting, and/or rare beers to try.
And, if you're like Carrmat and I, freaking out your waitress a bit by taking notes on each beer you taste. GYM is fairly tolerant, sitting and sipping beers while we discuss whether one smells like soap or apples or dirty socks (yes, really).
This photo was taking at Elysian Brewing Company where, according to ratebeer, we tasted and rated 15 rare Elysian brews.
The night before, we'd gone to Brouwer's, where we were joined by Broberto, for a Back in Black Stout Night. Unfortunately, unlike the Elysian, Brouwer's didn't do tastes, so we had to get a pint of each. When the beers you're drinking clock in at 7-10%, we weren't consuming more than two each...so I didn't get to taste as many stouts.
Thursday is Sour Night--my favorite style of beer. I'll be heading back to Brouwer's to sit for a few hours, sampling as many of these unusual beers as possible.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
My New Quick Meal Go-To: Curried Apple Couscous
I don't always have vegetables in the house.
Gasp.
I know, it's a shocker. But I hate having them go bad. So sometimes they're just not there. Better than them dying a painful death, right? But when I want a quick meal, I don't want it to resort to a bowl of plain carbs, even if they are delicious, or even to topping them with tomato sauce.
What I do always have in the fridge is an apple. Typically a Granny Smith, but sometimes a Braeburn, or even a Pink Lady if I'm feeling decadent. So this recipe for Curried Apple Couscous made the top of my "to-try" list.
Curried Apple Couscous
Stolen almost directly from Heidi
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 handful curry powder
1 medium apple, cored and chopped
4 green onions, washed, trimmed, and thinly sliced
1 cup Israeli/Mediterranean couscous
1 3/4 cup water
1 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 cup pine nuts, toasted
Small handful of mint, chopped
Melt 2 tablespoons of butter in a beaten up cast iron skillet over high heat. Ok, I guess you could use a different pan, but I love my skillet. Add the curry powder and salt and saute about one minute. Add the apples (and tough veggies, if you're experimenting) and cook about five minutes, til moderately soft. Remove and set aside.
Melt the remaining tablespoon and saute up the green onions. Add the water and couscous, cover, and turn off the heat. After about ten minutes, remove the lid, add the fresh mint, and fluff the couscous.
Enjoy! It's also just fine or even better at room temperature, but I don't care for it cold...something about baked cold apples just doesn't do it for me.
A
The variations on this are still running through my head. I tried it with the addition of asparagus (this just didn't have quite enough veggies, and I had some that I needed to rescue from certain death) and subbing the pine nuts with untoasted slivered almonds. Even more delicious. Feel free to switch things up--just don't leave out the mint! That fresh herb makes the recipe.
Gasp.
I know, it's a shocker. But I hate having them go bad. So sometimes they're just not there. Better than them dying a painful death, right? But when I want a quick meal, I don't want it to resort to a bowl of plain carbs, even if they are delicious, or even to topping them with tomato sauce.
What I do always have in the fridge is an apple. Typically a Granny Smith, but sometimes a Braeburn, or even a Pink Lady if I'm feeling decadent. So this recipe for Curried Apple Couscous made the top of my "to-try" list.
Curried Apple Couscous
Stolen almost directly from Heidi
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 handful curry powder
1 medium apple, cored and chopped
4 green onions, washed, trimmed, and thinly sliced
1 cup Israeli/Mediterranean couscous
1 3/4 cup water
1 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 cup pine nuts, toasted
Small handful of mint, chopped
Melt 2 tablespoons of butter in a beaten up cast iron skillet over high heat. Ok, I guess you could use a different pan, but I love my skillet. Add the curry powder and salt and saute about one minute. Add the apples (and tough veggies, if you're experimenting) and cook about five minutes, til moderately soft. Remove and set aside.
Melt the remaining tablespoon and saute up the green onions. Add the water and couscous, cover, and turn off the heat. After about ten minutes, remove the lid, add the fresh mint, and fluff the couscous.
Enjoy! It's also just fine or even better at room temperature, but I don't care for it cold...something about baked cold apples just doesn't do it for me.
A
The variations on this are still running through my head. I tried it with the addition of asparagus (this just didn't have quite enough veggies, and I had some that I needed to rescue from certain death) and subbing the pine nuts with untoasted slivered almonds. Even more delicious. Feel free to switch things up--just don't leave out the mint! That fresh herb makes the recipe.
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